I had taken the morning bus from Montevideo to Colonia del Sacramento. I was planning on spending the day in the town prior to hopping the ferry back to Buenos Aires so I could catch my flight to Panama. I was given the scoop on the city from friends who had been there before; the whole city could be explored in under four hours.
Colonia is directly across from Buenos Aires with the Uruguay River separating the two cities. One of Colonia's claims to fame is that it was a hotly disputed city between the Spanish and the Portuguese. It traded hands between the two countries over eight times in a span of 150 years. It was like neither country really wanted it. It was just a good bargaining chip. Then one day Brazil found itself the proud owners of Colonia. It was like Brazil went on a bender one day and woke up and said, "we picked up what?" Shortly after that Uruguay declared independence and Colonia finally found a permanent home.
The downside of long term travel is that some places which would be really exciting don't live up to the hype. Colonia is no different than a dozen of Spanish influenced historic cities that I have visited in the past four months. I know that I will be saying a similar thing in Europe after seeing a dozen or so cathedrals.
Long term travel is like a drug addiction. It is hard to keep the high going. Every city or place needs to top the last one. Things that I should appreciate like Gray's Glacier in Patagonia become just another glacier that will never live up to the ones I saw in Antarctica. It takes some time and perspective in order to appreciate all places in their own right regardless of how cool other places were in comparison.
One of the places my guidebook recommended that I visit was the Portón de Campo – the City Gate and wooden drawbridge. I went to the Gate, camera in hand and what did I see but a mother freaking mime. Yes- a mime. Oh Colonia- you really know how to keep slipping down a few notches.
I don't know why I dislike mimes. It wasn't like they tormented me as a child. But after you seen one Joker wannabe do the elevator or the escalator-there is really no need to see another one give it a try. You would think they would think of something new but they just can't think out of the box- I mean hell they can't even get out the box. It is not that hard-- just pretend there is a "door" connected to your "box".
The only good things about mimes are mime jokes. They rank up there with Pirate jokes. Nothing better!
Q: What do you call two mimes standing
next to each other?
A: Mime and Mime
again.
Q: What did the mime's girlfriend say when
he picked her up too late?
A: It's about Mime!
Q: What did the team of football Mimes
call when they were tired?
A: A Mime out.
Q: What did the doctor tell his patient
the Mime before he went into surgery?
A: Don't worry.
A stitch in Mime saves a Mime!
Q: Where does a Mime learn gossip?
A: The Grapemime.
Q: What did the king say to the guard who
was trying to kill the Mime?
A: Stop! A Mime
is a terrible thing to waste
I mean Colonia did try to impress the tourists with its quaintness. I decided that I shouldn't hold the mime against the city. I would give it another chance. It wasn't like the Mayor paid the guy to stand there. I began to walk down the historic cobble streets that housed many of the city's restaurants and lo and behold- I found another city landmark.
It was then I just gave up. I was finished with Colonia. I found myself a bar with wi-fi and started to drink. There was nothing that the city could do or say anymore.
Now- I know what the women at the end of the pier was thinking. "When is the ferry going to get here to take me back to Buenos Aires?"
